Nikita, thanks for this, I cherish our unlikely friendship too.

Expand full comment

As a fumbling creator with crushing doubt, this gets the pistons pumping.

2020 was a wild, wild year. I had my mind-blowing psychedelic experience right as the pandemic started to rip. It changed me, but not by any metrics judged useful or productive. And then the year and since turned into survival and it’s hard to think and create when you are constantly worried about homelessness.

It’s funny, math, especially quantum, was one of my first mental anchors for my otherworldly experience. Unfortunately, I hate math. But it seems important.

You and John inspire, and look forward to your next creations.

Expand full comment

I loved this.


Me, too. It's a beautiful, challenging...and pregnant discomfort. Live the questions, stay curious...

Great post, thank you both!

Expand full comment

John, I greatly admire your vulnerability and courage to tackle such a difficult subject at a life stage when society says we can't learn "new tricks!" Your quest to find meaning and your ponderings about death are, as I'm sure you know, predicted by Terror Management Theory. You are simply more aware of the impact death has on you than the average person. This might be your heroic "immortality project," as Becker said. I hope you continue the quest with your knew-found math knowledge to explain Donald Hoffman's theory of consciousness. I am too dumb and/or lazy to learn the math, but I trust you to tell me what I need to know....or not. Perhaps it will just lead to more befuddlement; nevertheless, it would be interesting to hear you speak with Hoffman and Bernardo Kastrup with your new-found knowledge. Thanks for the inspiration, even if I'm too weak to do much with it.

Expand full comment