Nightmare Journal

From the first days of the war

I’m typing this from an apartment in Yerevan, Armenia. I’m one of the tens of thousands of Russians who left their country since it started a war with Ukraine. On the day I left, the President seemed to have also declared a war on me and my kind.

I hope I will soon be able to say something useful about our new reality. For now, I want to share some notes from a few weeks ago, when the complete inability to be of any use was one of dominating feelings.

I got this letter from Glenn Loury on the third day of war, Feb 26:

NP:

My wife just made a suggestion with which I agree: We'd like to hear from you on a regular basis -- a brief note, daily if possible, just to be reassured that you are OK!

GL

For the following week, I’ve used this invitation as an excuse to write a kind of a journal. I wouldn’t have been able to write for my own sake, because words seemed worthless and inappropriate. But knowing that Glenn was expecting a note gave me a permission to start typing, and once I did, it was ha…